Faded

How was your day today? Mine was swell. With one exception: I gave a presentation during class today and it fell flat. Pun intended. I’ll explain later.

If you’ve ever wondered what goes through a girl’s head in the moments immediately before she passes out, keep readin’:


I’m doing great. Look how interested these fools look at what I’m saying. I’m killing this. It’s a tad warm in here though… It’s alright I’ll be done soon.

Wow. Seriously toasty. Like, I don’t remember agreeing to give this presentation on the surface of the sun. Did the fire sprinklers just go off? Oh, no, it’s just me sweating. I’ll ignore it.

Why is everyone all of sudden blurred versions of themselves? Am I drunk? Wait. No. I can’t be. It’s 3 pm.

Man I need some water.

Me: “Sorry.. I’m gonna get some water.”

*********************************************************************************************************

Ok now I know someone just turned the light off because it’s pitch black in here. Is this a practical joke? Where’s Ashton?

Is my life flashing before my eyes? At this point I should be reliving all my favorite moments from my life with those I love, right? So why am I only seeing Flo the Progressive chick and Jennifer Lawrence’s 2011 Oscars dress? What does this say about me?

Oh dear I am definitely on the ground.

FLASHBACK to being in the gym at basketball practice in high school. Still on the ground. But that would be nothing new.

BACK to the present. Where am I? Did someone just chuck a brick at my face because wow. Pain. Wait why am I on the ground? Who the hell are these people? OH GOD I’m in class aren’t I….

Yep. There’s my professor, hovering over me, confused, panicked, hesitant.

Prof: “Katie are you ok..?”

Me: “Yeah I’m sorry about that. Public speaking, am I right?”

Prof: “Aren’t you a PR major…?”

Me: “Did I get an A?”

*chuckles*
Prof: “Why don’t you go lie down somewhere? There’s no need to finish today.”

Me: “Ok cool because that fainting episode was a lot more exciting than my presentation was going to be.”

Prof: “I’m gonna pretend you said that while you were still unconscious.”


I got up and took a bow (I didn’t actually take a bow) and the class applauded as I left the room (this actually did happen. They clapped. Like, kill me now.)

So the lesson here is: kids, stay in school. Unless your heart rate starts skyrocketing and you feel yourself overheating, in which case you should def leave school for the day.

*but don’t expect BJs to comp your pizookie out of pity. They simply will not understand how much you deserve a free pizookie today.

Faux Graduation Woes

When you decide last-minute, as a current senior, to add a minor to your degree and, consequently, an extra semester, you are abruptly forced into a scary new reality. Nothing is especially different about your experience from other seniors’ until you get to about April. This is around the time all your friends start figuring out their lives – jobs, grad school, financial security, blah blah blah.

You, however, have a little bit longer to avoid turning over this new leaf. But besides the delayed thrust into the real world, you also have some sacrifices to make. Being a “not-senior senior,” as I’ve coined, is an awkward position. You have to adjust to a unique lifestyle that not many have to face. I’m not being at all dramatic about this. Now, I realize that not many of you can relate to this problem, but it’s not your blog it’s my blog and I enjoy a good rant. Just ask my mom.
 

In addition to losing all your friends to that cruel thief called Graduation, you must now deal with a myriad of minor (no pun intended) roadblocks.
 

1. All year, when teachers in every class ask for “everyone who’s graduating in May” to “raise their hands,” you have to smile and nod while everyone stares at you for being the only one to not raise your hand. Like why do they want to see hands? Can they not assume that most of the people in here are graduating?! And by now everyone in the room has probably assumed you failed a class or something. But alas, the teacher doesn’t allow you to explain the situation. They literally just want to see the statistics.

 

2. When May hits and all your friends have no incentive to prepare for finals because they already have jobs or realize it won’t really affect their final GPA that much, you have to study. Unfortunately, it’s contagious to have the same amount of motivation as those around you, but you actually have to take finals… You have to take study breaks to have a little froyo while all your friends take breaks from all their froyo to study a little. No spur-of-the-moment trips to Austin on dead days for you!

 

3. The actual day of graduation is the worst. I got so tired of explaining why I wasn’t in a cap and gown, I finally just started saying “I already have a job I’m here on business.”

Also on this day, everyone kept saying their last tearful goodbyes to arbitrary parts of the Baylor campus and I would absentmindedly join in until I remembered that oh wait, I will see that random tree again or oh yeah, I will again sit on that bench in a few months (no one had actually sat on that bench but nostalgia is rarely rational).
 

4. You don’t want to be that girl walking around in her sorority shirts after she’s supposed to have left… but like, that’s my entire wardrobe. This is my main concern for the Fall because undoubtedly everyone will notice. This is a completely valid concern. I actually have to own adult person clothes. That thought is more daunting than entering the real world. Whatever, you’ll probably still occasionally see me in a sorority shirt. Judge me. Maybe I’ll really stir the pot and throw on a fanny-pack.

 

5. You spontaneously decided to add 18 more hours to your already frightening schedule so yeah, you’re gonna have to take some summer school. And then out of nowhere, BAM your current apartment lease ends and you’re homeless. Didn’t see that one coming did ya?! I didn’t either. Shout out to Sneed for putting a roof over my head. Maymester’s are the best because they’re over in the blink of an eye but Maymester’s are the worst because you have to read 27 books and write 18 papers in the blink of an eye. My extra semester might not even be a dilemma since there’s a chance I won’t survive this Maymester.

 

But ya know what? I’m ok with staying another semester. After all, I get free Baylor football tickets and a student discount at the Waco movie theatre. Who would want to leave that?!