The world is kind of terrible right now. This is far from a political blog post, however. I haven’t written a blog in quite a while (which for many of you is hard enough to deal with without the added culture of modern America) and I feel called to discuss something that happened today. Something that saddens me to my very core.
Today, Tinder failed us.
Now, I’m not a huge proponent of this particular online dating app. Don’t get me wrong, I – like every person alive – have downloaded this app out of boredom, and then deleted it out of self-disgust, and then re-downloaded it for girls night entertainment, and then re-deleted it out of self-disgust. But I’m fully aware that it’s creepy and not as good as Bumble.
However, several people near and dear to my heart have actually filtered through the creeps and discovered some actual prospects (as far as they know. It’s still the Internet after all).
But today, Tinder crashed. It was down for a while and then came back. But, to my friends’ dismay, it erased every. single. pre-existing. match.
All those prospects, all those potential soulmates, all those clever dudes who threw out totally appropriate and flattering pickup lines (nah I’m kidding). Gone forever.
One of my friends lost out on an Australian gentleman who promised to teach her how to surf one day.
Another of my pals missed out on a Cher impersonator who speaks 4 languages and proposed a skydiving date.
I, myself, lost my opportunity to get drinks with a “Hollywood actor” (listed as occupation) who is “very wealthy” (told me that himself) and “not a fake account” (I just assumed this). Soulmate material. Erased forever.
I know what you’re thinking (mom), but meeting someone in real life is not a realistic thing that might happen. The bottom line is this: we had all found our husbands. And now the dream of happiness and a lifetime of love has been squashed. And there is nothing we can do about it.
Thanks a lot, Tinder. Thanks for ruining our lives.
*editor’s note: as soon as I posted this, all the lost matches were brought back. False alarm.