4 Days Down in Cali4nia

The weather. The landscape. The Nordstrom within walking distance. LA is not too shabby for Kt. Sure it’s only been a few days, but so far this place is the bomb.org (everyone here recycles, so .org seems more fitting than .com).

I was hoping to have met and befriended a Franco by now so that I could blog about our bizarre but magical interactions, but alas, I’ve had no such luck. And I didn’t win the lottery. So clearly I’m struggling to find share-worthy events about which to blog. However, as you may have learned, I’ve never been one to limit my stories to strictly share-worthy events, SO here are a few things that have happened so far in LA:


First things first. I had to relearn how to put gas in my car because the Cali folks decided to make their gas things different than Texas gas things. Then again, I don’t even know the technical term for those gas things so I suppose no one’s perfect.


I purchased a fan. I attempted to put it together like the adult I am only to discover it was missing a part. I exchanged it. The new one was missing the same. part. This is why I am often hesitant to trust others. I exchanged that fan for another one of a different brand. I haven’t opened it yet. Too nervous.


By the way, when I asked where the fans were at Target, an employee told me: “We may not have many in stock. Heat is seasonable.” So far my intelligence is a bit underestimated here in Hollywood.


Saw Vinny from Jersey Shore at brunch. Brunch. He’s so damn classy. Winked at him. He laughed at me, presumably as a result of what an awkward winker I am. So the takeaway here is that I made Vinny Guadagnino laugh and so I am incredible.


Saw Ray Romano. Riding the steady confidence high from my Vinny interaction, I winked at Ray. Not super sure why I’m being so liberal with these odd winks. He looked uncomfortable. I walked toward him and, upon further investigation, it was not in fact Ray Romano. Just a thoroughly creeped out father. I promptly left Anthropologie.


I’m beginning to doubt that it was actually Vinny Guadagnino.


I flawlessly covered a Backstreet Boys classic at a karaoke bar and evidently a “mic drop” is more acceptable as an abstract theory than a real-life action.


Later I won back a few fans with a colorful rendition of Dancing Queen after that less-than-well-received mic drop.


Gained some life perspective when the bank teller noted that I attended “Bailer University.”


Still haven’t met Ellen. But staying hopeful.


Went to a dog park and decided dog parks are fantastic and why haven’t I ever been to a dog park until now?


Overwhelmed by the insane amount of gluten- and dairy-free options I have available to me here. Meals have never been this unproblematic and it’s causing me anxiety. Although, that may be a more deeply rooted issue to explore. And I intend to explore it over a gluten-free vegan red velvet cupcake.


Target is three stories. Three. Glorious. Stories.




So far the only drawback is that driving a car here is equivalent to sneezing with your eyes open. No one can do it. I cannot do it. It’s impossible. I’ve begun to dream about people honking at me.

Also I haven’t seen too many drive thru Starbs’s. Guess I have to get out of the car and be relatively social. If I even make it there alive. But man the weather is just, wow.