Parking Drives Me Crazy. Pun Intended

hei ! That’s “hello” in Norwegian.

 

 

Driving is sometimes the worst, but parking is always the worst. Attempting to find a parking spot makes every morning an adventure and I have a pretty standard stream of thoughts throughout the duration of each day’s Parking Hunger Games. But maybe it’s a good thing that parking is so terrible, because your day can only go up from there! If parking were easy, discovering that $5 in your fleece pocket wouldn’t result in a frat snap, it would only precede a simple shoulder shrug/soft smile combo. So here’s a casual morning in the life of barely awake, but nonetheless bitter-about-Baylor-parking-services Katie:

 

“This could be my day! I will be victorious as long as I begin my search with a positive attitude!”

9 a.m. becomes 9:20 a.m.

“Alright so tomorrow I drop out of college.”

“Attention other cars: this parking lot is mine, I claimed it the second I pulled in. How dare you have the audacity to think you too can be here.” (As the journey continues however, teams are formed, enemies are created out of nothing – the car you thought would be your downfall ends up shielding your ultimate spot from other potential takers. Tensions run high as the gas runs dry.)

“Ah yes at last I have found a man…..to relinquish his spot to me.” 2 and a half valuable minutes pass “IF YOU WEREN’T WALKING TO YOUR CAR WHY DID YOU HAVE YOUR KEYS OUT.”

“I wonder if people see me singing and assume I’m talking to myself. Considering the music I listen to in the morning, I do provide an array of facial expressions.”

 

Listening to Mama Mia “They probably think I’m just over-the-moon to be in this parking lot.”

Listening to Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid “They probably think I’m dramatically outraged to be in this parking lot.” (usually accurate.)

Listening to Take Me or Leave Me “They’re probably associating me with the sassy emoji girl.” (this constant comparison is both a blessing & a curse.)

Listening to My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion “They probably think I’m a little tired and slightly indifferent about being in this parking lot. What a melancholy mood I’m now in.”

 

“If I had left my house 47 seconds earlier, I could have gotten that spot.”

“Next time someone asks me what I want for Christmas I’ll say the guarantee of a parking spot anywhere I go for the rest of my life. Not even a good one, just the assurance of having one. I feel like that’s not unreasonable.”

“Dear Parking Lot Higher Powers, I’ll make a deal with ya. If you open up a spot for me, I promise to add vegetables to every meal for the rest –“ spot opens “Awww so close. Sorry guys, maybe later.”

“FINALLY a spot! Blinker at the ready.

Seriously dude? Did you really just cut me off? MY BLINKER WAS AT THE READY. Kids have no respect these days. If and when I am successful enough to purchase my own country, I will invite you and your family to live there and then banish you all.”

“I wonder how much gas I waste during the daily spot hunt. Maybe I should get another job to pay for it. What if I don’t get a job after college and can’t afford gas? What am I even going to do with my life? Who am I?” panic attack ensues

“Why do all these people feel the need to go to class every day? Baylor really should encourage more ditching. You know who didn’t go to business school? LeBron James. So, according to Michael Scott logic, neither should you.”

“I guess I could just bike or walk to class. But I get irrationally annoyed with bikers and walkers and I don’t want to be that person. If pop culture has taught me anything, it’s that how you’re perceived by others is far more important than ‘what’s best for you.’ How do I ever expect to become a reality star if I put forth that much physical effort every day?”

“Maybe I should just park in 15-minute-parking and take my chances. But I have the worst luck of anyone I know so maybe I shouldn’t risk it. Then again, big risk=bigger reward. Then again, I managed to get nine black eyes in high school. Luck is rarely on my side. Yeah I would lose everything in Vegas.“

“ALAS a spot is that a spot I see?! Victory. Triumph. All the good things. I shall now confidently exit my vehicle and make my way to class only 16 minutes late.”

 
 

The typical parking spot hunt lasts anywhere from 5-37 minutes – depending on the weather/lack of motivation on campus/my erratic, subjective measurement of time. I can usually tolerate the wait as long as I have a solid playlist, coffee, and the reminder that Blake Lively probably went through an awkward middle school phase.