As a bright-eyed, eager freshman, I wanted to stay fit and healthy in college (as a fatigued, dazed senior, I’m too tired to even come up with a goal like that right now). Before leaving for Baylor, I purchased a bunch of really cute, lightweight athletic tank tops to wear/attract friends while attempting to be athletic. ROOKIE MISTAKE.
The Baylor SLC has an anti-sleeveless policy.
I’m sure there is solid reasoning behind this law, but I choose to believe its main purpose is to passive aggressively shame unsuspecting freshmen. So here’s me reminiscing about my first time at the SLC in the form of a poem. Obviously I’m not bitter.
Texas summertime’s (and all other seasons) are the hottest,
So naturally it’s far too warm outside to dress in a way that is modest.
I’ve heard it’s common to gain weight in your first freshman semester,
So in the back of my mind, this impending threat certainly did fester.
In order to prevent this, I’ll add exercising to my routine,
It will be habitual – like brushing my teeth and applying sunscreen.
So today I’ve made the decision to exercise,
I’ll be restless and anxious all day otherwise.
Because even though the weather is disgusting,
My workout schedule can’t afford adjusting.
This morning I consumed a lot of caffeine,
I shall transfer that energy onto a workout machine.
Oh, the SLC! I’ll go to the SLC! Oh the calories I’ll burn,
And a happier, healthier woman I soon shall return.
Then again, the air outside feels like fire,
But it’s cool because inside, I can wear my summer attire!
I will put on my Nike shorts and a super cute tank top,
For if I had to wear sleeves, the sweat just wouldn’t stop.
Nervous and self-conscious, I walk through the door,
I hand an employee my ID that verifies I am Katie Moore.
He swipes my card and looks me up and down,
I smile at him and he shoots back a frown.
“You can’t wear a shirt with no sleeves, you fool.”
I was unaware; apparently this is actually a rule!
I exclaim, “But it’s so hot and I sweat quite a lot!”
He explains that it does not matter, it simply does not.
Dejected and disheartened, I exit the workout facility,
I can’t help but relive my embarrassment and humility.
All I wanted to do was burn a calorie or two,
I just don’t understand all that hullabaloo.
It’s not as if my tank top was in any way revealing,
I was treated like a person accused of murder or stealing!
But alas, I would surely faint if I tried to run outside,
Therefore by this cruel and unusual decree I must abide.