I want to begin by apologizing for any confusion: this post is not about dating. I titled it as such to lure in readers, because – according to Google – people enjoy reading about love and relationships. I know I do; this title would have fooled me. If you were misled by my title and now you’re regrettably here…..reading, WAIT a second before you just stop and click exit because I have compiled a list of “Don’ts” that may actually help prevent you from getting mixed up in some disturbing and oddly specific situations. This list has been accumulating for years (weeks) and all of these items were taken from personal experience – whether from my life or the life of one of my anonymous friends (hey Collin).
(Confession: they’re mostly all out of my own life).
So, in no particular order:
- DON’T ask strangers if you can photograph them.
- Result: They will not believe “it’s for my photography class” and rumors will be spread.
- DON’T own a Discover card with a picture of a basketball on it.
- Result: A shocking number of salespeople is now aware of my high school basketball history.
- DON’T bring an umbrella to the football stadium during a torrential downpour.
- Result: You will be told, despite your tears, that you cannot bring it in and you will bitterly scan your ticket so you won’t be punished, turn around, walk home, and watch New Girl.
- DON’T double-tap passers-by on the sidewalk out your car window when nearing a traffic light.
- Result: A whole lot of eye contact and uncomfortable silence is about to take place. *BUT potential new friendships!
- On that note, DON’T yell “KISS HER” to a group of two girls and a dude.
- Result: That’s just confusing and unfair.
- DON’T watch the Kardashians while running at the SLC.
- Result: Your own body weight will pale in comparison with the weight of the judgmental stares upon your back. (I personally choose to ignore this “don’t.” Watch what you wanna watch. Do you.)
- DON’T have a friend leave your number at a restaurant you regularly frequent.
- Result: No one will call you and everything is awkward and terrible.
- DON’T ask for gluten information at Newks.
- Result: You will confidently order a salad and die of a gluten overdose.
- DON’T attempt to back out of a spot in the business school parking garage.
- Result: You know what, here’s a blanket “don’t”: DON’T attempt to park, back up, bike, drive, or walk anywhere on Baylor’s campus.
- DON’T use a European man’s bag (a murse) as a backpack.
- Result: It will break. It is as unreliable as an American backpack.
- DON’T offer to be the road trip DJ if your current Spotify radio station is Barry Manilow.
- Result: You will lose a lot of tasteless friends. Gosh dang it…do it anyway.
On the other hand, I (and my anonymous friends) wouldn’t trade anything for any one of these experiences and memories!! But on the third hand, how embarrassing. I would probably change all of them. Best of luck out there!