A Story To Make You Feel Better About Your Day

It all started in Disneyworld. The “happiest place on earth?” Debatable.

My friend Tara and I were hanging out in the room after a long day’s work of riding rides and pretending to be older than 18. It was late in the evening (we were in 7th grade so it was more accurately 8 or 9 p.m.) and my little brother Jake was watching Hannah Montana with us. *We told ourselves this wasn’t by choice – Disneyworld hotel rooms only play the Disney Channel: it doesn’t matter what you actually want to watch. However, we would have been lying to ourselves if we had claimed to have preferred it any other way. The three of us did want to watch Hannah Montana. And Wizards of Waverly Place was a close second.*

 

As watching the Disney Channel typically prompts, the three of us acted as a single unit and all became thirsty at the same time. Being the eldest and I guess the closest to a matronly age, I volunteered to fetch us some ice from down the hall. Tara and Jake presented no arguments and decided to wait for me in the room.

 

So I ventured down the hallway, ice bucket in hand, not at all realizing the significance of the imminent scenario.

 

I entered the ice room and was immediately taken aback by the most beautiful man (probably a solid 16 years old) I had ever seen in my entire life. He had Eric’s eyes, Aladdin’s flowing locks, Jack Sparrow’s swagger, post-training-montage Hercules’s biceps, and Flynn Rider’s brooding smolder (how convenient that I was in in fact in Disneyworld and could almost instantaneously draw these comparisons).

He glanced in my direction and I completely lost track of everything I was doing. What was I here for again? Why was I holding this bucket…? Oh right, I needed ice. But I abruptly decided, from this moment on, I actually needed him.

 

I sauntered over to the ice machine and put my bucket in place. He bashfully smiled and asked “How’s it going?” I looked deeply into his eyes and….. neglected to answer. After the longest, most self-loathing few seconds of my existence, I accepted that I would (for reasons still unclear to me) not be answering his question. Ashamed, I turned back to the ice bucket. He seemed appropriately confused.

 

I pressed the ice button and nothing happened. After a second try, I looked at him and he asked if he could be of assistance. I again blatantly ignored his question and consequently wished for death. Defeated, he silently withdrew his offer and once again turned away.

 

All of sudden, ice began shooting from the machine and my bucket quickly became overflowed. Ice was all over the ground and my bare feet (why no shoes, 7th grade Katie?) began to wobble. Valiantly, he raced over to me and offered, once again, his aid. Naturally, I instead I grabbed on to the ice machine and managed to break off the lever, resulting in me falling to the freezing ground.

 

Why this boy remained in the ice room for the entirety of this story still baffles me.

 

As I peered up at him from the ground, ice still cascading out of the machine, I decided to say something witty. Any potential for a relationship was doomed already, so why not say something cute like “I can work an ice machine,” and then wink at him? (7th grade Katie had always been ignorantly unaware of her awkwardness, this was her moment!)

 

I regrettably opened my mouth. Out of it came the most puzzling, irrelevant phrase I could have uttered at this point.

 

“I can read.”

 

 

 

 
    
 

He didn’t smile. He didn’t laugh. He barely reacted at all before slowly backing away from me (obviously not wanting to make any sudden movements, wise) and exiting both the ice room and my life forever.

 

I ventured back to the room. Tara and Jake had wondered what had taken so long and why I was soaking wet. I shared my story and prepared myself for the pity and hugs coming my way. But alas, neither of them could contain their laughter and I bitterly watched Hannah Montana until I drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

8 Don’ts for Being in a Relationship!

I want to begin by apologizing for any confusion: this post is not about dating. I titled it as such to lure in readers, because – according to Google – people enjoy reading about love and relationships. I know I do; this title would have fooled me. If you were misled by my title and now you’re regrettably here…..reading, WAIT a second before you just stop and click exit because I have compiled a list of “Don’ts” that may actually help prevent you from getting mixed up in some disturbing and oddly specific situations. This list has been accumulating for years (weeks) and all of these items were taken from personal experience – whether from my life or the life of one of my anonymous friends (hey Collin).

(Confession: they’re mostly all out of my own life).

So, in no particular order:

  • DON’T ask strangers if you can photograph them.
  • Result: They will not believe “it’s for my photography class” and rumors will be spread.
  • DON’T own a Discover card with a picture of a basketball on it.
  • Result: A shocking number of salespeople is now aware of my high school basketball history.
  • DON’T bring an umbrella to the football stadium during a torrential downpour.
  • Result: You will be told, despite your tears, that you cannot bring it in and you will bitterly scan your ticket so you won’t be punished, turn around, walk home, and watch New Girl.
  • DON’T double-tap passers-by on the sidewalk out your car window when nearing a traffic light.
  • Result: A whole lot of eye contact and uncomfortable silence is about to take place. *BUT potential new friendships!
  • On that note, DON’T yell “KISS HER” to a group of two girls and a dude.
  • Result: That’s just confusing and unfair.
  • DON’T watch the Kardashians while running at the SLC.
  • Result: Your own body weight will pale in comparison with the weight of the judgmental stares upon your back. (I personally choose to ignore this “don’t.” Watch what you wanna watch. Do you.)
  • DON’T have a friend leave your number at a restaurant you regularly frequent.
  • Result: No one will call you and everything is awkward and terrible.
  • DON’T ask for gluten information at Newks.
  • Result: You will confidently order a salad and die of a gluten overdose.
  • DON’T attempt to back out of a spot in the business school parking garage.
  • Result: You know what, here’s a blanket “don’t”: DON’T attempt to park, back up, bike, drive, or walk anywhere on Baylor’s campus.
  • DON’T use a European man’s bag (a murse) as a backpack.
  • Result: It will break. It is as unreliable as an American backpack.
  • DON’T offer to be the road trip DJ if your current Spotify radio station is Barry Manilow.
  • Result: You will lose a lot of tasteless friends. Gosh dang it…do it anyway.

On the other hand, I (and my anonymous friends) wouldn’t trade anything for any one of these experiences and memories!! But on the third hand, how embarrassing. I would probably change all of them. Best of luck out there!

All Alone and Everyone Knows It

Today started off as any other day: I woke up with the intention of going to cycling, decided it was too early for that, went back to sleep, woke up at another, more humane hour, went to starbs, made eggs, watched the Today Show, got dressed, and went to class. I realize I’ve offered far too many details. Anyways. As I entered the doors of my Marketing class, I was shocked and disappointed to see that my friend Collin was nowhere to be found. I had to sit – every college student’s worst nightmare – ALONE.

 

Everyone shot me condescending, knowing glances and (silently) burst aloud with laughter at my heartbreaking loneliness. It was as if people had to physically restrain themselves from jumping out of their chairs and pointing at me. Everyone in the class had someone to sit next to. Everyone, that is, except me. After texting Collin to ask him where he was and lying about having a test today so he would freak out and come to class (to no avail; he answered hours later, unconcerned), it was time to begin class. My professor called roll. When he got to Collin, he looked around for an answer and after a few moments, his glance landed on me. I could tell he already knew where Collin was, or more truthfully, where Collin wasn’t. And the chair next to me was where Collin was not. I recognize that those last few sentences were complicated to understand; I’ll wait a bit so you can re-read them.

 

Alright time’s up. I searched my vocal chords for a voice but I could not locate it. My professor’s judgmental smirk distracted my mind from comprehending his question and I just sat there and began to sweat. Eventually he accepted the fact that I was not going to admit that Collin was not here and that consequently, I was alone. He raised and lowered his eyebrows as if to suggest that my entire life up until this point had been a complete waste and that he was not surprised that my seatmate failed to show up. His face silently read, “If I sat next to you, I wouldn’t show up either.”

 

To be fair, I fabricated this entire scene and no one in the class even noticed Collin’s absence. In fact, I didn’t even notice for about 10 minutes. Sorry Collin.